All Opticians Wear Glasses
by 8moonflower8
Summary: Arthur takes a reluctant Alfred to get his new glasses. Cue father/son bonding time and some questionable eye-testing employees.


"Alfred!" Arthur bellowed up the stairs. "Get you skinny little behind down here right now!"

"..."

"Alfred, you can pretend you've been abducted by aliens who don't believe in eye tests as much as you like, I know you're up there."

"No! I'm not going."

"Don't make me come up there!"

"You won't!"

"Oh yes I will! Get down here now, or no TV for a month."

"Noooooooo!"

In the end, it took the threat of no TV for a month and the promise of Francis and Matthew's pancakes every day for a week to get him in the car.

"Daaaad, I don't want some weirdo poking around in my eye-holes! What if the optimatrition – "

"Optician."

"Yeah, that – is really a supervillan who takes kids eyes out and feeds them to his radioactive death dogs?"

"... Alfred, I really do worry where you get these ideas sometimes."

The boy remained stubbornly silent in his Superman booster seat.

"I don't know why you're making such a fuss." Arthur braked at the red light and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up worse than it already had been. "Your brother was a perfect angel when he got his glasses."

Alfred sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Yeah, well... Mattie believes everything you and Pa tell him. Like that time you told us the handcuffs you were wearing was cos you were playing police – "

"Alfred!" Arthur cut across him, "Now isn't the time, please."

"Fine."

They arrived at the optician five minutes before the appointment, Arthur having scheduled in an extra half hour for getting Alfred into the car. They walked through the heavy glass doors, Alfred stubbornly refusing to hold his father's hand, although Arthur could tell he was nervous because he'd stopped fidgeting. He marched up to the reception desk, all business, Alfred trailing a few steps behind.

"Feliks, did you fill out that form for Mr Johnson?"

"Yeah, like that's more important than the dire state my nails are in."

"I don't give a flying fu – Oh, hello."

A woman with a crooked name badge and a pencil skirt noticed them, and quickly put on her best customer service smile. "I'm Elizaveta, and this is Feliks." She gestured to the blonde... man? now filing his nails. "How may we help you?"

"My son has an appointment."

"I see, and what's your son's name?"

"His name's – "

"I'm Alfred." He gave the receptionist his biggest smile. Arthur rolled his eyes. Typical; he always got excited about new people...

"Alright then Alfred, let's see if I can find you on the appointment schedule. Where are my glasses..." she began shifting papers around on the desk. Arthur cleared his throat, "Erm, they're on your head."

"Ahh yes, silly me." She slid them down on to her nose.

"What does it matter, they're only plain glass. Your eyesight's totally fine." Feliks piped up, earning a deathstare form Elizaveta.

"Why do you wear them if your eyes work OK?" Alfred asked, curious as ever. She smiled down at him.

"Oh honey, it's just that I like the look. They make me look rather sophisticated, don't they?"

"Errr..."

"That and I wanted to get fitted for the frames..." she cast a quick glance in the direction on the man in the corner in charge of frame fitting.

Feliks tossed his nail file onto the desk. "Pfft, chill out Liz, we all know Roddy fancies the frames off you."

"Yes, well..." she tried to hide her smile as she looked up Alfred's name. "Aha, there you are honey, a ten thirty appointment to see Mr Oxenstierna. If you'll just take a seat in the waiting area, he'll be with you shortly."

Arthur steered Alfred over to the cluster of padded chairs, just as a man with a medical eye patch made his way to the desk.

"I don't see why I have to wear this damn thing, it looks stupid."

"Mr Adnaan, please leave it alone, it's only for a couple of weeks..."

At that moment, a tall man in a white coat leant out of his office doorway. "Appointmen' for A'fred?"

Arthur stood, and walked to the office, only to find Alfred wasn't with him. He turned to see his son still sitting on one of the under-stuffed chairs, staring in horror at the man who'd just called his name. Giving the optician an apologetic smile, Arthur knelt in front of Alfred.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alfred said quietly, and looked to the floor, "The eye doctor man's just a bit scary-looking, is all."

"I thought heroes didn't get scared." Arthur smiled a little at his son.

"They do sometimes. What if he does have radioactive death dogs, Dad? Huh?"

"He won't." Arthur gently picked up his son. "But if I'm wrong, we can fight them together, OK?"

"I s'pose." Alfred held tight to Arthur's shirt.

Five minutes later, and you wouldn't have known it was the same child. Alfred could barely sit still in the special chair he got to sit in for the test, and was poking at the various eye-test instruments Mr Oxenstierna had out.

"What's that one for?"

"For taking ou' little boys' eyes."

"...really?"

"No. I was jus' kidding."

Arthur looked at his nervous child's face and loosened his tie a little. Maybe Mr Oxenstierna was a little... unnerving.

"Hey, eye-doctor?" Alfred looked up at him, questioning.

"Yes?"

"Do you have dogs?"

If he thought this a strange question, he didn't show it. "Yes, I do."

Alfred shot Arthur an 'I told you so' look.

"Now, A'fred, could you look through here an' tell me which side looks clearer, green or re'?"

Twenty minutes later, they had established Al was in fact a little near-sighted, and he had been sent to Mr Edelstein to fit him for some frames.

"How do these feel?" The bored-looking man peered at Alfred over his own glasses.

Alfred frowned, "I dunno, it feels all messed up behind my ears."

"Yes, yes, you'll get used to that. But do they hurt?"

"Hurt?"

Mr Edelstein rolled his eyes. "Yes. Are they pressing on your nose, or your head?"

"Nah, they're fine." Alfred paused, a tiny frown on his forehead. "But what if other kids laugh at me?"

The frame-fitter stuttered, clearly out of his comfort zone. "Why on earth would they laugh at you for wearing glasses?"

"I dunno, they just do. And everyone knows girls don't like guys with glasses."

A loud snort of laughter. "You, like, could not be more wrong kid." It was the blonde man from reception, with a copy of the forms for Arthur to sign. "Lizzy over there's head over heels for this guy, and he's got glasses." Mr Edelstein huffed and mumbled something about this being a completely inappropriate conversation to have with clients. That didn't stop him. "And Liet totally loves it when I wear glasses, he says I look super cool and sexy."

"Yes, thanks." Arthur felt it was the right moment to cut in, before Feliks starting sharing glasses based pick-up lines with his small son. "Where do I sign?"

Alfred was quiet on the ride home. Too quiet. Arthur knew from experience this could mean one of three things: Alfred was asleep, sad, or coming up with a new plan to save the world. Since his eyes were wide open and he wasn't singing the Indiana Jones theme, Arthur guessed it was the second one.

"What's the matter Alfred?"

"Huh?"

"You're very quiet. Do you not feel well?"

"Nah, I'm fine." He turned to look out the car window. "It's just that I don't look like me anymore. It's like there's a whole other Alfred."

Oh dear. Francis was always better at these kind of conversations; the deep and meaningful ones about feelings and the like. When it was time for 'the talk,' Arthur intended to go into hiding for three days at least, so the boys had time to digest the facts of life. And the horrible imagery Francis would no doubt use.

"Well Alfred, it's because there is a new you now. An even better one."

"How come?"

"Because it's a change. Quite a big one. But you were brave, and very grown up." He smiled. "I'm proud of you."

"Really?" His son smiled back at him. "Thanks Dad. Does this mean I get ice cream?"

"What?"

"Whenever Pa says he's proud of me, he takes me out for ice cream."

"Does he now?" He'd be having words with Francis later; the kid ate way too much sugar as it was. "Well, I suppose so, since it's a special occasion."

"Cool!" He fiddled with his seatbelt. "Dad?"

"Yes Alfred?"

"Love you."

"Love you too kiddo."

END

...

AN: Oh gosh. University is finally over, and I can get back into my shameless fangirling again. Yay!

This was written for a contest winner on DA, thought I'd put it up here too. Most fun setting to write ever. Seriously.

Next chapter of 'Tea or Coffee?' should be up pretty soon

Characters don't belong to me etc.


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